Tiffany Haddish x Lysistrata Collab

Plus, the NBA snitching hotline, and Lady Gaga will give you the jacket off her back!

Happy Juneteenth! If you don’t know what that is, it’s the holiday celebrating the emancipation of the last remaining enslaved Black people in the Confederacy. Here is a primer.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again:

  • Make Juneteenth a federal holiday,

  • Make Election Day a federal holiday,

  • Cancel Columbus Day

  • and Give us the entire week of Thanksgiving off and call it First Nations Week.

And if we wanted to go even further, which less of you will be on board for this, but, make 4th of July about atoning for American imperialism by making it a week to encourage international travel and/or online money spending to countries we’ve colonized :) :) :) You know that 3-day weekends were created during The Depression to cut down on international travel and put money back into the US by allowing only enough time to visit domestic areas, right? My pet issue is more leisure time, honeys!

BTW, I was on Starburns Audio’s Stay at Home Podcast/LiveStream yesterday to talk about my Going Downs article on the celebrity ITakeResponsibility video.

Ok on with the show…

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🔗 Lynx 🐆

  • Good wiki. I fell down a rabbit hole about Into the Wild / Chris McCandless today when I read that the bus McCandless perished in is being removed from Denali National Park because other people have died there in 15 search & rescue missions since the 90s due to the popularity of the book. McCandless died of starvation after attempting to “live off the land” in the area for nearly 4 months. I’m a National Parks fan, but I had no idea all the wild scientific theories/investigation about McCandless’ ingestion of poisonous seeds over the years.

  • The 12th Season of Lost is honestly the NBA at Disney So, the rules of the Covid-19 NBA are honestly wild. A new 100-page document details how the players will be living at Disney World, among some other insane sociology experiment-level rules.

    • Unlimited playing cards will be provided but players must discard the cards after use. (i’m gonna start a brilliant eBay store after sifting their garbage)

    • Everybody has to wear a “smart ring” that monitors their temperature 24/7

    • No playing doubles ping-pong!

    • There’s a “snitching hotline” for players to tell if they see “bubble-breaking.” Somebody get Dave Zirin the tapes for his next exposé!

  • Going Downs reader Amy Suto turned me onto these Zoom Sherlock mystery experiences which look like immersive theater game nights! They’re UK based so timing might be weird, like mid-day if you’re West Coast like me, but they seem really cool.

  • Earlier this year, I wrote about plan-fluencer Erin Condren for my article on the weird world of the paper planning community. Well, Erin has been canceled for allowing her daughter (who is student body president) to create faux BLM protests in order to have a traditional cap and gown graduation celebration with her classmates.

    The experience apparently helped spark the idea of creating a new "march" so that the seniors could party together. So at 6:30 p.m., an hour after the graduation ceremony, hundreds of seniors flooded Pier Plaza in downtown Hermosa, still sporting their caps and gowns. To make matters even worse, they didn't practice social distancing, and many were not wearing a mask. 

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🌶️ Stars 🍵

  • If you need to laugh, Britney Spears was just running around LA yesterday after going on a bike ride with her boyfriend, eating at weirdo chain, Islands (yuck) and shopping at Nordys!

  • Tiffany Haddish joked that withholding sex will solve racism. I love any theory based on hot mess of a play, Lysistrata. Aristophanes was really on one when he wrote that! My favorite Lysistrata-themed IP is Spike Lee’s Chi-Raq which is also a hot mess of a movie, but a very, very fun time. Tiffany said:

    “I know when I have problems and I want them solved, I just stop having sex and everything’s solved. So, if everybody just stopped having sex, especially if you are in an interracial relationship and your man is white, stop having sex with your white man. Things will change. If you are a white woman and you’ve got a white man, stop having sex with that white man. When a white man ain’t gettin’ no sex, things change, that I know. If a black man ain’t gettin’ no sex, he’s going to team up with the white man, ‘Look, brother, we’ve got to figure this out. OK? The women ain’t having sex with us and I don’t want to have sex with a man. So we’ve got to figure this out. We’ve got to make it right.'”

    This is a way better idea than that time in 2019 when Alyssa Milano pitched a “sex strike” for better abortion rights (actually) and everyone was like ???

  • Cory Booker and Rosario Dawson are moving in together, to Newark, New Jersey. Um, good on them for keeping this up after the primary, right? Is he the VP?

  • Jamie Foxx shared pictures of his bulked-up body in preparation for a biopic about Mike Tyson. The casting isn’t the only thing that has me ???, Mike Tyson was convicted of rape in 1992 and spent 3 years in prison because of it.

  • Taylor Swift needs to talk to her Dad. Taylor has been posting more about Black Lives Matter and today urging Juneteenth to be a federal holiday. On one hand, this is good, because she was once-famously apolitical. On the other hand, people are bringing up her father, Scott Swift’s, famous history of racist social media posts, as late as 2017.

  • I love this Lady Gaga story about a woman (Shannon) approaching her outside a grocery store, not knowing it was her. Shannon said, “that’s a badass jacket” and LG turned around and took the leather jacket off her back, and handed it to the girl.

“I walked in and I was like, ‘Hey, that’s a really badass jacket you got on,’” Shannon told the Today Show. “And she said, ‘Thank you.’ I kind of recognized the voice, but I’m not one to really go up to celebrities.”

Shannon says that after she left the store, she realized who it was and decided to say something else to Gaga.

“I did have a story that I wanted to share with her, and I felt this need that she needed to hear it from me,” she continued. “And so when I went back, I was like, ‘Hey, you’re Lady Gaga, right?’ My best friend back in high school was a huge fan of yours. And you’re the reason he actually came out to me. And his first five tattoos are all dedicated to you and my brother just recently came out to me, too. So I just wanted to say thank you for being such an incredible ally.”

“As I was telling her the story about my friend, she took off her jacket and was like, ‘You loved my jacket so much. Here. It’s yours. Put it on right now. You be badass with it now,’” Shannon added.

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