kelly ripa is pulling a cavallari

plus, the j lo photo conspiracy is solved

In the words of the inimitable Leslie Jordan, “Well shit y’all how you doin?” Hi new subscribers!

FYI, I’m taking off Monday! See ya Tues. You may notice some new ~graphic art~ made by me, you’re welcome. Paying subscribers will also see a new episode of Deep Downs, my new pop cultural deep dive podcast as soon as I get it edited, which should be by Monday night.

I’ll also be appearing on Cheddar.TV today to discuss my ELLE article on OnlyFans and Sex Workers.

Finally, I started a Twitter debate about what this dish I grew up knowing as “puppy chow” is called. The regional and international names people wrote me are wild.

Here were the results:

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🌶️ Stars 🍵

  • Not the Caribbean again. Kelly Ripa is allegedly filming “Live” while in the Caribbean. Kristin Cavallari should be furious.

    Although the family had tried to keep their quarantine site quiet, daughter Lola posted a photo of them landing in the Caribbean on her Instagram stories, saying “home.”

    Ripa told an ABC virtual town hall: “We had planned a trip for our family, and it was supposed to be our entire family, of course.

    “And we arrive and three days later the entire world changed, really, everything shut down, the government shut down, our country shut down.

    “I hate to use the word ‘stuck,’ but we were. We decided to stay where we were.”

  • A-Rod’s Zoom. Remember that J. Lo conspiracy about a man being gagged in the back of her selfie? People Magazine got to the bottom of it, via DListed

    People magazine says that yes, it’s a random guy. But he’s not actually anywhere near JLo’s house. A source says that what everyone caught in the back of her selfie is actually a computer screen. The source points out that to the left of the masked man’s face is a blue sleeve, which they claim is Alex Rodriguez’s right shoulder and arm. A-Rod was on a business call over Zoom. They also say that the man in A-Rod’s call wasn’t wearing a mask, but simply had his hand over his mouth. So, some of those internet detectives were correct.

  • Rain on Me by Lady Gaga, ft. Ariana Grande is out. It’s a club classic. Where the hell am I supposed to dance to this, my laundry room?

  • More money, more guilt, I guess. Chrissy Teigen admits she spent thousands of dollars on designer purses at Barneys so she could use the bathroom A fan mentioned seeing her buy a Celine bag so she could use the bathroom at Barneys, and she replied that she does it often. Teigen claims there’s not a store policy. The average Celine bag is $1.5K…This is her version of “buying gum at a gas station.” $1.5K bags are GUM for celebrities!

  • Bethenny Frankel, like Ashton Kutcher, is embroiled in a coronavirus-related scam. This time it’s with a plan to donate 500 million masks, that didn’t exist. It does seem like her good deed just fucked her over, but from the start I don’t know how she fell for this.

    • According to the NY Times, Frankel was put into contact star was put into contact with some guy from Idaho, Jake Uhlenkott, who allegedly promised her 500 million masks for her charity, BStrong. That number seems so high, but okay.

    • Then, Frankel began seeking funding and coordinating with state officials to distribute the masks in New York, Michigan, Arizona, Louisiana and Chicago, despite feeling like they didn’t exist based on Uhlenkott’s shady claims.

    • Uhlenkott kept changing sources, delaying production, saying he knew a guy who knew a guy. Finally, Frankel and New York State started communicating with his mask dealer, a man named Ralph Frengel, to buy 10 million 3M masks for $66.5 million.

    • Well, Frengel refused the masks to be inspected, and the whole deal fell through. (Probably because they allegedly never existed, but that’s my guess.)

    • BStrong and a partner organization, Global Empowerment Mission, eventually did broker a deal with another charity for 2M masks and 1M hazmat suits. So, happy ending.

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